Why do I pray for my ex-husband?

Never before in my Christian walk had I ever been discouraged from praying for others, until I told my friends and others that I continue to pray for my trans-gendered ex-husband to be healed and restored. Now I find that this declaration is often faced with startled or dismayed expressions. Some even seemed angered by my desire to pray for others who struggle with trans-gender desires.

Firstly, how I do I know that it is God’s will to heal my husband?

Some Christians seem startled to discover that it is God’s desire to heal a person who identifies themselves as transgendered. Probably it is because the world’s message that trans-genderism is incurable and inbuilt has become established in their minds and so the likeliness of God’s healing power moving in the area of trans-genderism seems remote. Yet to the Lord the oppressed are the oppressed and the broken-hearted, broken-hearted. Whether the oppression is trans-genderism, depression or drugs, Jesus still came to set the captive free (Luke 4:18). It is always God’s will to heal the broken-hearted and the oppressed no matter what form the oppression takes. I pray daily that my ex-husband will be healed and restored to his God-given gender, in accordance with God’s will.

Secondly, how do I know that God did not make my ex-husband trans-gendered?

This question is really an extension from the first. One may only argue that trans-genderism is inbuilt from the angle “in sin my mother conceived me” (Psalm 51:5). It is true. We were all born in sin. The trans-gendered one is not excluded from this condition. Yet Jesus came to settle the sin condition once and for all. All those who have been born in sin, are now through Jesus’ death and resurrection, made free from its hold and bondage (Romans 6:18). The freedom that Jesus offered is not limited. It is not only applicable in some areas. Jesus declared emphatically “Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed” (John 8:36). Yet, a person must recognise that they are bound before they take a step towards asking for freedom. I pray daily that my ex-husband will recognise the oppressive nature of trans-genderism.

Thirdly, even if it is God’s will and desire to heal my ex-husband, if he chooses to rebel against God’s design for his life, what is the point?

Is not that the purpose of intercessory prayer? Intercession is praying with God’s hope and intent that God would step in and act for His will to be done on earth as in Heaven in another’s life. It is trusting God to act. God wants us to ask, with urgency, casting our weakness before His strength. Your husband or loved one may even be begging you not to pray! But because you love them, in the Lord, you continue to pray that God would intervene and reveal Himself in their life. I pray daily that God was reveal Himself in a real and genuine way to my ex-husband.

Fourthly, some would argue that because my ex-husband made his decision I should just let him be.

Yet this question arises from a wrong understanding of the previous three statements. From reading testimony after testimony of those who struggle with trans-genderism or cross-dressing habits, it is extremely obvious that no one wants to be trans-gendered. No one wants to cross-dress, nor do they want to obey the voice inside them telling them to dress, act or have surgery. What they do want, above all else, is a life of freedom in which they are loved, and can experience peace and joy. Yet the world has not been able to offer this freedom and love. The world has only offered rejection, abuse and oppression. Therefore they lose the hope that there will ever be a way to gain freedom from the trans-gender oppression and so they learn to accept the condition. Once hope is lost, however, the motivation to look for answers also disappears. That is why I will not stop praying for my husband. He really does not want to be a woman! Yet because he has not found a way to eradicate these feelings from his mind and heart, he gave up the hope of freedom and gave in to its pull. I pray daily that God would lead him to repentance by demonstrating His goodness and forbearance towards him.

Should all Christian women pray for their loved ones’ struggling with trans-genderism?

Yes. I believe it is a role that all Christian wives should take on in some form or to some extent. The pull towards prayer may be more intense in some than others. If the one struggling is your husband or child the prayer will probably be intense and heart-wrenching. If there has been abuse and hurt, the first prayer may be to ask the Lord to give you a heart to pray. Yet our role as believers are to be vessels through which Jesus ministry of reconciliation may be outworked (2 Corinthians 5:18). Your prayers are a spiritual labour, spurred on and used by the Lord, until “Christ be formed” in your loved one (Galatians 4:19). Yes, it may take years. Yes, it may look as though nothing is happening. Yes, it may seem totally impossible. Yet thanks be to God that it is He who does the work. Let us give our prayers to Him, so that He may work through them.

What do I pray?

1. That God would shine his light into their hearts to remove the blindness of their minds (2 Corinthians 4:3-6)

2. That the veil over their heart may be removed so they may turn to Christ (2 Corinthians 3:16)

3. That the eyes of their heart may be enlightened for them to know the Lord Jesus Christ (Ephesians 1:18-20)

4. That God’s goodness would lead them towards repentance (Romans 2:4)

5. That the schemes of the enemy would be powerless in his life (2 Corinthians 2:11)

6. That in all my dealings with him I would walk worthy of the ministry of reconciliation to which Jesus has called me.

7. That God would give them dreams and visions which reveal himself in a dramatic and effectual way.

8. That God would send Christians to surround them to encourage and minister Christ’s love to them.

Let the Holy Spirit guide you in your praying. Allow the Holy Spirit to work in your own heart as you pray for your loved ones struggling with cross-dressing habits or trans-genderism. You will be amazed at how profound the transformation is, not only in your own life, but also in the lives of the ones for whom you pray.